Homepage › Forums › Q&A with the Coaches › When you encounter a feared word and grab a crutch
- This topic has 11 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 2 years, 2 months ago by Leah Areff.
March 6, 2021 at 4:06 pm #29069
In that very moment, how do you feel? do you still feel fear? or you feel calm and relaxed because you know you are going to be safe with the crutch. Thank you!March 11, 2021 at 9:30 pm #29125
I personally still feel fear because even though I grab a crutch my anxiety does go down but in the back of my mind is always this feeling of “well I guess we’ll see if the crutch works” and it usually does. I still have a bit of uncertainty when I use a crutch. Also when I know I am going to say my name I use crutch 4 and I can say my name (so far) everytime by doing soft voice and crutch 4 but I still have that fear or panic when I do say my name. Hope this helps.March 12, 2021 at 11:31 am #29126
Hi Sun! All of us have been stuttering for a lot of years, experiencing bad incidents and the humilliation of stuttering and appearing speech disabled in front of so many people and so many times, that we fear speaking, we fear stuttering every time we open our mouths to say something.
Most of our Success Stories have stopped stuttering in just a few months. This is the time that has taken us to learn to stop appearing speech disabled. But the stuttering fears, which have been with us for such a long time (some of us, since we started speaking), won’t leave us so easily, unfortunately.
So, when we become PWSS, we know how to avoid stuttering, but we still have anxiety and stuttering fears. So, our next goal is to reject fears and learn to love to speak. Section 16 of Lee’s “Stuttering & Anxiety Self-Cures” explains our next goals in this new stage. “Speech Anxiety To Public Speaking” book and video course should also be studied once we become PWSS.
If we follow the advice given there, we will learn how to reject fears (mind training is very important here) and learn to love to speak. Achieving these goals is easier than to stop stuttering, but it takes longer.
In my case, I can say that I sometimes have stuttering fears and get nervous, but a lot less than a year ago. And these fears or threats, they are getting weaker and weaker, and they are less and less frequent, every month, every week.
The faster you learn to speak using only Crutch 13, the sooner you’ll get there.
I hope I answered your question, Sun.March 12, 2021 at 11:35 am #29127
Adam, I’d suggest you to change that sentence you mentioned in you comment (“well I guess we’ll see if the crutch works”) with this one (or a similar one):
“I’ve used the Crutches before in this situation (or a similar one), and I succeeded. If I have done it before, I can surely do it again now.”
Do you agree with this statement? You have used the Crutches before, and you’ve succeeded so many times? There’s no reason to believe that you will fail this time. You have avoided bad incidents before, you can do it again, no doubt about that.
Hope to see you tomorrow at the SAM meeting!March 13, 2021 at 10:09 am #29133
Thank you Javier! I also learned a lot from your reply to Adam. Yeah it’s definitely a matter of practice, and we should always have faith！March 13, 2021 at 10:51 am #29134Leah AreffModerator
Sun, in the beginning, you will still feel fear, BUT you will KNOW that you will be able to use a crutch. Does that make any sense?
Remember, that your fear has been LEARNED and you need to UNLEARN it. That only comes with experience. When you use the crutches enough times to avoid stuttering, your brain will think AHA! SPEAKING = FLUENT = NOT SCARY = CALM = NO NEED FOR FEAR. The brain then stops “generating” the feeling of fear when you speak.
Let me know if you need more clarity on this. We can also chat more about it in our upcoming coaching session.March 13, 2021 at 10:49 pm #29143
Oh yes Javier I see what you are saying that I have used the crutch before and it worked. But what hasn’t left me is that feeling of “who knows but I will use the crutch” whenever I have to say my name for example. I don’t have that confidence just yet that I know 100% I won’t stutter. But Leah said something great to Sun that would answer my question^. All I am trying to say is that I am still in that in between phase of stutterer and fluent so I don’t feel 100% confident just yet!March 13, 2021 at 10:51 pm #29144
I was honestly just trying to be honest with Sun in how I feel at the moment when I use a crutch. She asked if you feel fear or safety. I still feel fear but only because like I said, I am in that in between phase.March 14, 2021 at 12:55 am #29145
Leah, thank you for your reply. For sure it makes sense to me. I guess for me and maybe Adam, the difficult part is to accumulate enough success experiences so that we can build confidence in our ability of using crutches. That’s exactly our tasks now.March 14, 2021 at 1:02 am #29146
Adam, your reply is of great value to me. Maybe that’s exactly what I wanted to know. I feel I am still very far away from Javier and Leah’s world, you get my idea:) Actually it’s a great relief that my fear and lack of confidence can be acknowledged as normal. Thank you!March 14, 2021 at 8:04 am #29150
Hi Sun and Adam,
yes, it is normal to feel those fears, especially as a PWS. We have been stuttering for such a long time…. It is normal. But we must believe that we are going to stop stuttering, and it won’t happen in 1 or 2 days, as we all know here. But you will get there. In my case, it took me 8 months to become a PWSS. And a lot longer if we speak about the fears. I actually still have stuttering fears, but they are very weak, and there are days I don’t have any.
And the more I work on it, the less likely I’ll have these fears. And even if that happens, they will be so weak, so insignificant….March 14, 2021 at 8:59 am #29152Leah AreffModerator
Please remember that Javier and I used to live in “your world”. I lived there for 17 years so I understand exactly what you are talking about. In fact, I had fears for about a YEAR before the fears completely disappeared. Now, fears pop up about every 6 months. I actually experienced fear in one of the SAM meetings a few weeks ago (even after years of fluency). The most important thing? Knowing that it does not matter how much fear I experience, I will ALWAYS be able to avoid a stutter by using a crutch. You are still very new to the program Sun, do not be so hard on yourself. It will take time!
Consistency, Discipline, PATIENCE!!!
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