What is the issue with the word “cure”?

[Anonymous]

Many people have an issue with the word “cure”. I would like to know why.

I have not stuttered in 3 and a half years, and I will never stutter again. I have no speech-related anxiety/fears nor have I thought about my speech in years. So if I am not cured, then what word would you use?

[Javier]

I don’t see the problem with the word either…. As you know, I became a PWSS more than one year ago, and I consider myself cured. There are still things I want to improve, true, as we will never be perfect. Nobody ever will.
But here’s some proof of that I’m cured. 10 minutes ago I was driving home, and a couple, 20 meters away who were taking the dogs for a walk, said to me, “hello Javier!”. At first I couldn’t recognise who they were, it was dark, but a few seconds later I did: some friends of my family, and I haven’t seen them in ages, although they were aware of the improvements on my speech. They were amazed when they heard me speak. So yes, I am cured. I had a speech impediment. Now I don’t.

[Gábor]

I will see myself as cured when I won’t have any speech fear (related to fear of stuttering and humiliation), no grimaces and/or detectable speech blocks (detectable for an average speaking partner, not a professional speech-language pathologist).

[Javier]

You will get there, Gábor! Many people have achieved this, so you can also do it. People usually stop stuttering in a couple of months. Some take longer, some others do it in a month or so. I stopped stuttering in around 8 months. But some of the people I’ve coached have done it in 5 weeks. But the fears take longer to disappear, but they also disappear.

[Anonymous]

Hi Gabor,

I am glad that you are willing to accept your potential future achievements and not hold on to the past, like so many sadly do. Not wanting to use the word “cure” is like losing 100 pounds and then keeping all your big clothes and refusing to throw them away because you believe that one day you will gain the weight back again.

It just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you keep telling yourself that you are not cured and that one day you will stutter again, then surely your mind is powerful enough to make this happen? I love using the word “cure” because it forces me, every single day, to refuse to stutter, and to show the world that I am the boss of my mind and that they can be too if they try.

[Gábor]

Thanks, I believe in the possibility of cure and refuse the dogma which says that “stuttering is incurable”. I also don’t want to be a “happy stutterer” and accept that I’ll stutter in my whole life.

[Javier]

Exactly! Before I found Lee’s book, I thought I would be stuttering all my life, but that’s because I didn’t know that I could actually find a way to become a PWSS. So I had to accept the situation, although I didn’t like it at all. Once I found Lee’s book, I knew that I could become a PWSS, just like many others did, and so I did.

[Anonymous]

Happy stutterer, now that is an interesting term! If anybody says they are a “happy stutterer”, they are not being honest. There is nobody in this world who would choose to have a stutter over not having a stutter.

It would be as nonsensical as saying that one prefers not to have an arm over having an arm because it makes them who they are and they are happy with only one arm. Yes, you may be happy with one arm, but if given the chance, you would jump at the chance to have two arms, and anybody who tells you differently is lying!

[Gábor]

I think they accepted, that “stuttering is incurable” and they’re happy to be “themselves” and stutter freely, without any shame. Just like a person with a really incurable disability (like a missing arm) would do.

[Javier]

I think I get your point, Gábor. There might be people who can be successful in their job, and live a happy life, but I’m completely sure that they could be much happier if they didn’t stutter. Nobody likes to stutter. It’s really uncomfortable, even humiliating. So nobody likes that, not even the people surrounding us. I can say that having stopped stuterring has not only turned me into a happier person, my family are also happier. They have suffered stuttering, indirectly.

[Gábor]

Javier, do you stutter less talking to your family than to strangers, like in online meetings? Because I tend to be much more fluent with strangers, while I stutter badly with family members, especially with my parents. With strangers, sometimes I can play a role (like being a costumer) and I completely fluent, without any noticeable hesitations or grimaces.

[Javier]

I used to stutter a lot more with strangers. As a PWS I never had a stutter-free zone that wasn’t being alone.
Now, I sometimes have more fears in certain situations, and they make me feel more uncomfortable, so I have to concentrate more on using the Crutches, and on exaggerating them. I think exaggeration is key.
But I know that these fears will disappear. They are actually getting weaker and weaker, and less and less frequent each day.

[Gábor]

That’s great to hear, because I think maybe fear is the biggest obstacle to beat stuttering.

[Javier]

Fears take longer to disappear, but we can also get rid of those. Celebrating every time we avoid a bad incident, every time we use a Crutch, expanding little by little our comfort zones…
Mind training, auto-suggestions are extemely important here. Once you become a PWSS, Gábor, I recommend you to read and do the online course of “Speech Anxiety to Public Speaking”. It’s like the next step to the Stuttering book

[Author]

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