Importance of attitude and mindset

[Amine]

The main point that I (and Sun) tried to tell is that you can practice crutches all you want in a comfortable environment but if you don’t put yourself gradually in more complicated situations, how can you cure ?!

Also, I don’t agree with the idea that stuttering is a crime that you should never commit so you should avoid every situation where you might stutter. That mindset just reinforces the fear of that kind of situations. And when you find yourself in a situation that you can’t avoid, the result is terrible.

If you might stutter heavily, I am not saying you should go make a presentation in a TedX and make a fool of yourself, I am just saying that GRADUALLY you should put yourself in slightly “risky” situations in order to : 1/ have the opportunity to practice your new style of speaking when it matters. 2/ lower that crippling anxiety and “holding back” threshold (not completely get over it because that takes a long time after curing).

Finally, I think that WSSA should not be a sect, and it is very important to keep an open mind to other people’s ideas. Personally I read books and testimonials of people who cured mainly thanks to a radical shift in mindset and beliefs + exposure. They stuttered of course in the beginning in those “risky” situations, but slowly they became more fluent, until they cured. I am not saying that this is the way to go, but why automatically dismiss those stories just because they do not exactly fit with one of WSSA’s concepts ? We should look for anything that can help PWS, anywhere.

[Javier]

Hi Amine,
I agree that we have to work on expanding our comfort zones, step by step. Starting from situations in which we feel comfortable or in which the level of stress is maneagable, as the main goal is not to appear speech disabled. We want to communicate our message fluently.
I don’t know if you know about how my speech used to be before I met Lee, but although I was not a shut-down blocker, I was a really heavy blocker. The video in the homepage of WSSA can prove it.

All my life, in school, university, at work, etc., if I had to give a speech/presentation in front of the whole class, I would do it. I had to do it. I never wanted any preferential treatment due to my stutter. Even in university, where the classes were comprised of around 100 students, I would give my presentation, stuttering in almost every word. I always finished my presentations shaking, sweating, devastated, but I did it.

I had a friend in uni, in my same class, who was a covert stutterer (I’ve never heard him stutter; thanks to Lee he also became a PWSS). He did the opposite of what I did. He gave his speech/presentation in private, to his teacher only. This friend of mine admired me because I gave my speech in front of the whole class, and my mindset.

Now that I stopped stuttering and that I’ve learnt a few things about stuttering and speech anxiety, this is what I think about this:

If I had done what my friend did, and tried to hide it, and avoid appearing speech disabled through avoidance, most likely I wouldn’t have become such a severe stutterer. If I hadn’t put myself under so much pressure, I wouldn’t have created so many stutter memories. Maybe I would have been a covert stutterer, or a mild stutterer, and not one of Lee’s toughest cases.

So, about the people you mentioned that they have stopped stuttering this way, most likely they were mild cases, and when they exposed themselves to high pressured situations, most likely they focused so much on being expressive, and passionate, or playing a role, that they forgot about their stuttering fears. Some actors and singers have done it like this, for example.

[Javier]

By the way, Amine, one of our Success Stories just came to my mind: Fahad, from Pakistan. Here’s the link to his Success Story, please read it:

Fahad, Pakistan

This case also confirms that exposure can make your stuttering get worse.

We’re no “sect”, as you said. Everything what we say is based on our own personal experiences and the experiences of those who we coach.

But of course we support all methods that help PWS stop stuttering and of course, live a happy life 🙂 It’s just that we doubt overexposure can help PWS stop stuttering, based on what we know.

[LEE LOVETT]

I must echo Javi’s views. I did more of what Javi’s friend (Jorge a PWSS from MIami) did — avoid creating disastrous memories of horrid stuttering, BUT I always “pushed my own envelope” and expanded my comfort zone a bit, and I kept pushing it to the extent that I could without creating a bad incident. I walked a narrow line, but it worked. Eventually, I addressed huge audiences, did live radio and live TV. I sweat my share, but, in the end, I stopped sweating and loved all of it. I still do.

The sad truth remains: As long as we hear/experience bad incidents, we will remain “stutterers”. We simply canNOT allow bad incidents, period. There may be exceptions, but I wouldn’t try to be one.

[Sun]

I understand what Amine was talking about. Take me as an example.

Before I reduced exposure to stressful situations, for example, I attend online meetup 3 times a week. when I have a meeting with my colleague, my stress level is 7, and my speech performance is 5(not a pass, appear speech disabled)

Then I tried to avoid occasion where I could hear my disfluency, that means attending no online meetups. when I had a meeting with my colleague, my stress level is 9, and my speech performance is 3(a complete disaster, because I was so nervous and so unfamiliar with the tension, and I don’t know how to use crutches)

So, now I’m really confused whether I should attend those online meetups.

[Javier]

Now Sun, my advice for you is to master the Crutches. Master the techniques that have helped so many people to avoid appearing speech disabled and improve their speech. If you know how to use them and you become a Speech Cop, you will be able to go to those online meetings (and any other place) and speak without having bad incidents. I’d also suggest you to start from low pressure situations and slowly move to higher pressure situations. Step by step, expand your comfort zones, always making sure you are using the Crutches and speaking without having bad incidents.

If you do this, you’ll see that, for example, the pressure you feel in those online meetings, for example, will decrease until you feel no pressure. The same will apply to other speaking situations.

[LEE LOVETT]

Sun, you are way, way, WAY over-thinking your problem. Your are trying to beat stuttering by reasoning, when, in truth, you are not allowing your mind to TAKE INSTRUCTIONS from your mind-training treatments. Deep down, you do not BELIEVE that you can beat it. No one, who cannot believe that they can beat it will beat it. This is likely a subconscious level of disbelief. The goal is not to win an argument with Javier, me or anyone else. The goal is to beat it. You and Amine are proving (to yourselves) that YOUR logic and YOUR case are unique and cannot be cured, and, therefore, as long as YOU BELIEVE that, consciously or subconsciously, you cannot beat it. So many of my students, who stuttered WORSE than you, beat it and quite fast (a few months) and are cured now years later. You are so “special” that you can’t do what they did. Really? Nonsense. You need to STOP trying to prove that you are right (and can’t beat it) and start trying to prove the reverse: That you can beat it just as surely as those who have. How can you do this? Do three, four or as many MTT’s as it takes DAILY, and change your Affirmations to attack your FALSE belief that you are so “special” that you can’t beat it. One of my recent cases who stuttered worse than you is Shifa, 19, a who lives in Qatar. She has two sisters who stuttered; one stuttered a lot but as much as Shifa. She became a PWSS several months ago and has not relapsed; she helps me coach Shifa. Shifa has now beaten it and is writing her SS now. THe third sister (the least stutterer_ will start coaching with me soon. Your case is likely more like hers. Anyway, Sun, STOP OVERTHINKING THIS. START ACCEPTING THAT YOU ARE NOT A FREAK. You, too, can stop stuttering. IN OUR NEXT SESSION, let’s re=work your Affirmations. Email them to me.

[LEE LOVETT]

Sun, I made a typo above. In the fifth line from the bottom, I mistakenly omitted “not” from the sentence. It should have read: “one stuttered a lot but NOT as much as Shifa”

[Amine]

Yes Javier you are right, Fahad’SS is inspiring. Always great to read how others made it.

Sun, maybe I’m wrong but my advice is : other than crutches (which are important), try to approach those meetings differently. Try to view them as opportunities to practice your new style of speaking. Try to convince yourself that you really want to attend them (with visualization, affirmations, self talk…). During the meeting, try to be present, to engage yourself as much as possible in the conversation (don’t get lost in your thoughts). If your speech is not as good as you want during those meetings, don’t ruminate, don’t punish yourself, it is not the end of the world. You don’t need to be obsessed about what the other(s) person(s) might think of you. You are doing your best.

I know it is difficult but try to do it as much as possible (this is what I am trying to do as well these days). As Lee said, we have to believe that we can cure.

[Javier]

Very well said Amine. My speech is not always perfect. Nobody’s speech is perfect anyway. But I’m speaking fluently, like the rest of the people. Yes, maybe, when under pressure, my speech might sound a bit more hesitant, but that happens to most people too. And that’s not bad. As long as we don’t appear speech disabled (despite those “bumps”), we’ll be fine.
There is always room for improvement, of course, but we “passed” the test. We didn’t appear speech disabled. Let’s celebrate it! Smile! You did it! Most likely, some months ago you might have had a bad incident in that same situation. BUT NOW YOU DON’T!!

And if unfortunately you have a bad incident, don’t be too hard with yourself. We’re humans, we make mistakes. Let’s try to learn from it, let’s be constructive, and then carry on with our lives. We’ve learnt the lesson. Now, we’ll make sure it won’t happen again. This bad incident, if you learn from it, it will make you stronger. But if you dwell on it, it won’t. It will make you go backwards, it will make your stuttering stronger. This is unnecessary. We don’t want that.

So let’s do as Amine suggested, and forget about ourselves, about our fears, and let’s try to give our best effort to use the Crutches and see every speaking situation as an opportunity to improve our speech, to learn something new and to get to love to speak. If you focus on these things, you don’t need to worry about what others might think of you, because they will surely get a good impression about you.

[Sun]

Thank you Javier. You are right. I definitely need to learn to master those crutches. This should be my highest priority, for sure.

[Sun]

Thank you, Lee. I was so impressed. You are really sharp and to the points.

Yes, I live in my brain and over-think all the time. Sometimes, I do feel my affirmations are not working for me, because they can’t convince me and I don’t feel excited about them and also I change them like every other days. I used to think it’s normal and it must take time and repetitions to make it happen. Now I realized I might be wrong. And I definitely need to work harder.

To be honest, I don’t feel I am special, at least not at all special from other miserable and suffering PWS in the world. Maybe I should feel special, because now I am in this program and community, which is a source of faith and convictions that I can do it.

[Sun]

Thank you Amine. There is a specific meetup I like to attend. Topics there are always interesting. But when I tried to explain my opinion on some sophisticated topics, I had many bad incidents there.

It’s kind of funny because I realized the way I tried to stick on this meetup group is similar to the way I stick to words.
I can’t say it. But I’m so obsessed with the words so I force them
I can’t avoid bad incidents there. But I insisted on attending.
That’s just very unnecessary.

Amine, my problem might be different from yours. But I think the whole point is that we should not allow any bad incidents. And that’s definitely right. As long as no bad incidents, we can expand our comfort zones as we like.
The most important prerequisite: No bad incidents

[Doug Nelson]

Sun,
Mind training and knowing the crutches like nothing at all. I think that you have a same issue that I did or still struggle with and that is authority figures. I do 3 20 minute ast’s everyday. What you saying are true but we cannot continue to be silent if you have the tools to be fluent. Practice. You are doing great and I hope that this helps someone else also.
Doug Nelson
PWSS
Certified Speech Coach

[LEE LOVETT]

SUN, you are spot on!!!

To stutter requires 100% mental focus, or close to it. Every word in my book is intended to help you pull your focus 2% of stuttering. Even that amount breaks Satan’s hold, and he drops the stutter-ball. Whether you think pronunciation, linkage, enthusiasm, whispering, humming, singing, writing, smiling, speaking immediately, rephrasing any planned words, you will NOT stutter, BUT you must think one or more of those things long enough to LAUNCH your speech. Once launched, you can hum-link to a quick stop. This fluency-process can be repeated indefinitely.

[Author]

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