Do you get any positive feedback from family members/friends about your speech?

[Gábor]

I’ve talked about this topic with Leah before, but I’d like to open a separate discussion, too.

I’m a bit frustrated that no one really complimented on my speech (excluding WSSA members) after I became much more fluent. Leah explained to me that people don’t want to be rude and mentioning that your speech is more fluent/you lost some weight/you got your teeth fixed etc. is not a very polite thing to do (it implies you were not OK before).

I understand this but I’m still a bit concerned, like “did I really improve after all?”. Do you have any similar experiences/concerns?

[Javier]

Hi Gábor. I know what you mean. You know, the only ones who have complimented my speech have been some of my family members, and only if I started speaking about the subject.
Others who have done it have been a couple of friends of my parents who know me since I was a child.
Those of my friends who knew me as a PWS have never said a word about my speech. And I agree with Leah, that’s because they might view it as something they prefer not to talk about, I don’t blame them.
The only opinion that matters to me is my opinion about myself. I know that my speech as improved more than I could have ever imagined. And I’m over the moon about this. I urge you to do the same.

I think I’ve told you this story a while ago, when we had our Q&A session: when I had just become a PWSS (or I was really close to it, so my speech was pretty good too), I went to a friend’s house to watch a football match. I hadn’t seen this friend of mine for months. This means that the last time I saw him, I was still a very severe PWS. And the next time we met, we spoke for hours, and I spoke fluently all that time. I was really proud of this achievement. Do you think this friend of mine said anything about this change in my speech? Not a single word.
So, either he didn’t really remember how I used to speak, or he did notice it but didn’t care too much about it, or prefered to not talk about it, in case it makes it akward. In any case, I was really proud for how my speech.

Around a year later, I met again with this friend of mine (due to the pandemic, and that he moved to live to another city, we hadn’t had much opportunities to meet). And we were speaking about our jobs, and so on, so I began talking that I appart from my job, I am a coach, and began talking about WSSA, Lee Lovett, etc., and finally he said that he noticed a dramatic change in my speech!

So, Gábor, don’t dwell so much on other people’s opinions. That’s what made us develop a stutter in the first place. Let’s not overthink about it, and let’s simply enjoy speaking in all venues 🙂

[Adam Playfoot]

Well said Javier. I see it kind of like weight loss. Some people find it offensive if you congratulate them on their weight loss or mention they lost weight; it is probably the same with speech. Just remember that you are improving your speech for yourself and if people notice then hey that’s great. I’m personally on a weight loss journey and lost 50 pounds but to my surprise no one said a word really. I am not mad no one has noticed, same with speech. Before I took this program I was stuttering more and more around my family, then I learned the crutches and now I barely block let alone stutter infront of my family. I still have a little bit of work to do. But even they haven’t said “oh your speech has improved” so it might just not be a common thing to say. We are after all 1% of the population!

[Javier]

Well said, Adam! We do this for ourselves! BTW, congratulations for losing all that weight! It’s a huge accomplishment! You should be very proud!

[Adam Playfoot]

Thanks Javier! I am proud but I got like 10 pounds to go! haha.

[Javier]

10 pounds is nothing 😉 You’ve done the hardest part!

[Anonymous]

Gabor, please listen carefully to Javier’s words:

“The only opinion that matters to me is my opinion about myself”. This is really important. YOU KNOW YOU HAVE IMPROVED!!! You can hear it!

I do not want you to dwell on other people’s comments or lack thereof. You need to validate YOURSELF. When you start looking for validation from other people, that is when you will fall short. Why? Because SOMEBODY in the world is going to dislike you, or think you are not that great or did not accomplish anything of significance.

The question is: What do YOU think of yourself??? Once you are honest with yourself and validate yourself, you will find happiness, because then, no matter what anybody says, you know what you are, what you have accomplished, and what you are worth.

Your speech is amazing, you are SO funny, we always laugh in our coaching sessions, and I really think you are such a wonderful person! Stop caring what others think!

In fluency,

Leah

[Anonymous]

Gabor, please listen carefully to Javier’s words:

“The only opinion that matters to me is my opinion about myself”. This is really important. YOU KNOW YOU HAVE IMPROVED!!! You can hear it!

I do not want you to dwell on other people’s comments or lack thereof. You need to validate YOURSELF. When you start looking for validation from other people, that is when you will fall short. Why? Because SOMEBODY in the world is going to dislike you, or think you are not that great or did not accomplish anything of significance.

The question is: What do YOU think of yourself??? Once you are honest with yourself and validate yourself, you will find happiness, because then, no matter what anybody says, you know what you are, what you have accomplished, and what you are worth.

Your speech is amazing, you are SO funny, we always laugh in our coaching sessions, and I really think you are such a wonderful person! Stop caring what others think!

In fluency,

Leah

[Anonymous]

And yes, Adam, we know you look good. No need to blast it all over here 😉

But yes, as I told Gabor in our coaching session, people are very reluctant to say “you have lost weight”. It is condescending. Like, why are you telling me I have lost weight? Did I ask for your opinion? Are you perfect? No!

Somebody saying ” your speech is wonderful”, makes it seem like I did not speak well before. Us coaches (Prathusha, Clifton, and Javier) always compliment each other’s speech because, in all honesty, Javier and Prathusha’s speech gets better every week. It is different though, we are literally on a journey to improve our speech, so those kinds of comments are normal and EXPECTED. That is the whole point of WSSA.

And you do NOT have 10 pounds to lose, but if that will make you happy, then go for it!!!

[Gábor]

Thank you for the replies, you’re absolutely right! 🙂

[Gábor]

BTW I talked to my mom and mentioned this. She said that she noticed it, but added that on one hand, people usually don’t talk about something that is not a problem anymore, and on the other hand, it’s indeed rude to mention something like this (just like losing weight).

[Anonymous]

Yay, Gabor!!! Why did it take your mother telling you this, when I have been telling you this the whole time!!! Lol. I am VERY proud of you and how you never give up!!!

[Gábor]

Thanks for the replies!

“The only opinion that matters to me is my opinion about myself”

Then why a “bad incident” is defined whether OTHER PEOPLE would perceive us speech-disabled or not?:)

[Javier]

because we want to stop appearing speech disabled when speaking to other people. We want to speak fluently, just like the rest of the world, right? We want to get rid of that tension when we force a word, we want to get rid of that anxiety, those negative feelings, and simply speak freely, smoothly.

[Anonymous]

Hi Gabor,

You are making it sound as if you WANT to appear speech-disabled and should not care what other people think?

We do not cure for other people, we cure for ourselves. We become fluent because we want to be fluent like everybody else. The way we judge if we are fluent is by no longer having speech that is viewed as speech-disabled by anybody else.

We should care about being fluent if it is a possibility to be fluent.

[Author]

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